I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
