: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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