Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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