I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
