OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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