The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I intend to get homeless drunk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize