I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
