I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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