My first STD was from a foam party
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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