oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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