Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
