she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
