Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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