you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
