How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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