I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
