You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
