Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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