Small penises have feelings too.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
