I love black thongs
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
