Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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