Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
