NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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