So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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