I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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