Jerry, you need to find god
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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