Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
