even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
