I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
do herpes really smell.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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