Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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