she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
