Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
