it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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