6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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