We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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