she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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