it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
