and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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