She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
