Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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