K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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