i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
