Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize