If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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