Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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