Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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