my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
