we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
