matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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