No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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