I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
