Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
