the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
