You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
