strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
