He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
