Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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