this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up under a house in Key West
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