Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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