could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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