before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
