one two three fourrrrnication!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
