Redeem this text for a blowjob
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
