Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
