She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
