He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
