my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize