I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize